


Grandfather

by Pearlislove



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Confessions, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grandparents & grandchildren (sort of), Post-Episode: s10e04 Knock Knock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-29 22:09:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10863075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearlislove/pseuds/Pearlislove
Summary: "He is my...grandfather"The Doctor and Bill has a talk about Bill calling him grandfather, but the outcome might not be what either one of them expected.





	Grandfather

**Author's Note:**

> Combinding s10e3 with this headcanon of Susan Foreman being Bill's mom that I've seen floating around. Started before Knock Knock aired, completed afterwards.

"Bill, we need to talk." The Doctor turned around to face his pupil - no, companion, now - who was sitting silently on the floor.  
  
She'd seen the storm clouds gathering in his eyes since before she'd even introduced her to her new landlord in the house she was definitely not going to live in after all. She'd understood that there was something wrong, maybe something  she'd said or done, but now he was actually directly addressing the issue and it made her suddenly nervous. Swallowing loudly, she nodded and repositioned her legs. "Yeah, sure. Something wrong?" She tried to sound casual and hide her growing unease, and somehow she could sense The Doctor was doing the same.   
  
"You called me  your grandfather." He said, his words slow and deliberate, as if it was all that kept him from breaking completely as he spoke. "Why did you call me your grandfather?" His voice died out towards the end of the sentence, becoming a mere whisper as he said the last words. His eyes were red rimmed and shining with unshed tears, and Bill's heart clenched as she watched his almost neutral - but not neutral enough that she believed he was okay - face.   
  
"Well, you kind of look like it, don't you?" She commented, one eyebrow highered slightly as she gestured to his wrinkled face and silver gray hair. "Besides, my mom didn’t have any family, so I never had any grandparents growing up." She paused, and swallowed, her own facade slowly cracking. "All since we've met, you've felt like more than just my teacher. There's something...something familiar about you, like a relative you haven't met since you were a baby and can barely remember."   
  
"I am not a relative. I am not your grandfather. I only ever had one and she..." The words catch in his throat, die out before he can finish the sentence, his eyes trying to skitter over to Susan's picture always standing on his desk, only to remember that they are in Bill's living room and his desk is not there. Still, it doesn't matter, for he can see the picture as clearly in his mind as if it was there, and doesn't need the actual thing before him to wallow in the pain. "I had a granddaughter, and she is gone. Gone forever. I never want to hear you calling me your grandfather ever again!" He screams, and Bill flinch, subconsciously moving further away, and he almost scream once more out of pure frustration.   
  
"But what if I were your great-granddaughter? If...if your granddaughter was like you, then she'd just have regenerated, and she could have become my mom!" It's a joke, of course it is, but somehow it is also a challenge. Bill's eyes are staring straight through him, and he doesn't need his psychic powers to read what is on her mind, the idea that had manifested in there. The simplest idea that make her feel torn between laughing and challenging him to prove it. 'Prove it to me' Her mind echoed. 'Prove to me that you are not a relative of mine, Doctor.'   
  
And the The Doctor is torn, too, because she is giving him choice. The choice to either tell, or not. "I am not your great-grandfather. There is no way I could ever be." He makes his choice and he lies. He lies because he is not ready to face the truth, and therefor won't put it upon Bill, either. "Please don’t call me that."   
  
He can see the disappointment and hurt in Bill's eyes, and his heart immediately aches with regret.   
  
"Would just have been nice to actually have so family, but I guess that's kind of stupid. I mean, even if my great-grandfather was an alien, he'd probably never have been you. It's just silly." Her eyes are downcast, focused upon the floor as she spoke in the most forlorn voice The Doctor had ever heard.   
  
As hear her speak, he is so close to correct her, to tell the truth.   
  
Because the truth was, that her mother had been his beloved Susan. It must have been. Even with skin like melted chocolate fudge and black curls, he had been able to tell. Her gaze and her smile and her soul, things she could not hide from him, had been the same, and he'd recognised them.   
  
He had been so happy. After all these years, he could come back. Be there with her and hug her and show her that he meant it when he said that ‘one day I shall come back’.

 

He had been approaching her, in the store, as she was trying to pick a pasta brand for the Carbonara he knew she’d make later that week, and for no apparent reason, she had turned to look at him. She’d looked him in the eyes and highered her eyebrows and asked. “Hey, Mister, are you okay?” The voice was not as familiar as he’d hoped, and her eyes saw no recognition of the man before her, and she watched him with concern, reminding him of Bill. Of the woman that this woman was to give birth to. His eyes traveled down to her swollen stomach, just barely sticking out under the cheap white tank top, and he knew she only had days left before she was due to bear her baby. Two months early she’d give birth to a tiny crying bundle of chocolate, and a month after that tragedy would strike.

 

Only a month old and the baby would be crying out for no one anymore.

 

He thought of what Bill had told them when they first met, of how forgotten her mother was, and it had hurt, warm tears cascading down his face as he had turned and fled from her.

 

“Doctor? Look, I’m sorry I called you that and I won't again but...Doctor, are you alright? Are you okay? Doctor?!” Bill’s voice quickly became more and more panicked as she realised he had closed his eyes,  seemingly drifting off to some place inside his mind, and she immediately started shaking his shoulders, hoping desperately it’d snap him out of it.

 

It took a moment before The Doctor realised he’d drifted off, his eyes snapping open only to see Bill looking at him in concern, her face mirroring that of her mother in the grocery store so very long ago. He thinks of how he’d run away and how both she and her mother had deserved better and before Bill can ask what’s on his mind he gives her an answer. “I am sorry.” He said. “You deserved so much more “ He lifts one if his shaking, trembling wrinkled hand, holds it to Bill’s chocolate cheek and imagine doing the same to Susan.

 

“Doctor…” Bill looks frightened, uncertain as The Doctor lifts his hand to her cheek, and somehow she imagines she know what he is doing, but at the same time she does not, because the Doctor had told her it was not like that and she believed him. “Doctor, did you lie?” She tries to keep her voice steady, but she really doesn't know what she’d do if The Doctor answered yes to her question, and it takes all her willpower  not to run away at the spot.

 

“Do want me to have lied?” He look straight into her eyes, hot tears spilling down both their cheeks as she shakes her head. “No.” She says, more forcefully than necessary because she mean it. “I don't.” It feels as though all air is being pushed out of her lungs as she says it, a suffocating feeling settling inside her as she waits for The Doctors reply.

 

He look her straight in the eyes, their souls facing each other as they speak, and he nods. “I didn’t lie.” It's a decision he makes, to tell her what she want - and needs - to hear, and in the end he finds it best that way. Because it hurts and burns in him, but it does not affect Bill, does not reveal the truth Bill did not want to hear, and for the sake of her safety, he’d gladly do anything.

 

He’d gladly leave her flat and walk his way back to the university, tears still in his eyes as  he turns his back on his one opportunity to change everything and actually get some kind of gain for the first time. Because he knew, that his companions would always come first, and he’d never stick Bill with the realisation she did not want, if he could help it. His own pain over the truth, because it was not something he would force upon Bill.

 

He is half-way around the block, and got yet another block to walk on his way back to the TARDIS, when he realises he is being followed.

 

As he turns around, he sees a tears streaked chocolate face, and it take him all his effort not to smile as he realisie that Bill has changed her mind.

 

“You’re a stinking liar!” She yells, and he laughs despite himself and shake his head.

 

“No I’m not. I tell you what you want to hear!” He shouts right back, smiling like an old fool while his companion is desperately crying. Because even if it would break Bill’s heart, it would save his, and maybe that would be the key to eventually saving them both.

 

“But I don’t want you to tell me what I want! I want you to tell me the truth” Bill is fighting herself as she scream, running as fast as she can to catch up with him, torn between sudden delight at the thought of having a family and the earlier horrors of figuring that her mother was an alien still growing inside her. She wanted The Doctor to be her great-grandfather, but she didn’t want to face that fact that she and her mother was aliens and all she’d ever believed in was a lie.  
  
As she comes up beside him, The Doctor can tell that Bill is torn. She is constantly jumping on her feet and seemingly unable to decide whether she wants to go before he could tell the truth of stay to hear it when he tells it like she asked.

 

Finally, he makes his own decision, wrapping his hand around hers and squeezing it. “I am your great-grandfather, or at least it’s how it should be linearly. Not that my life is ever linear.” He pause, and look her in the eyes, a big grin splitting his face. “The thing is, your mother had forgotten me. So much time had past when I finally met her again - going back in time, of course, to take photos of her for you - that she would not and did not know who I was. She looked me in the eyes and asked if I was okay, like the confused old man she saw me as.” The Doctor’s voice crack, he can't help it, and a few stray left over tears dribble down his cheeks.

 

“And?” Bill breathed, anticipation and heartbreak mixing inside her.

 

“And that means, that you can choose. If it's too much, and you want to stay back, I’ll still be you teacher nothing more. But…” He paused, opening his arms and inviting her into a hug. “If you want me to be something else, something more, I am here.”

 

Bill stands there, looking at his open arms, and suddenly she is back with the original choice. Yes or no. Stay or go. A normal life or all of time and space.

 

She thinks of the photos of her mother The Doctor took and of Nardol and The TARDIS and their adventures and suddenly it's not a choice, but a must. She runs ahead and grab him by the waist and hug him and the decision is made, because she love him and she wants him so desperately as only someone looking at the only family they had could.

  
“I love you grandpa.” 


End file.
